Dakota Johnson got a special visit from Patient Zero on Saturday Night Live.
Taylor Swift joined the Verity actress during her opening monologue on Saturday night’s episode, marking quite the surprise appearance. Johnson joked about having “two very public, very lame breakups with two very awesome musicians” since she’d last been on SNL, and how she had the most supportive friends who “don’t judge me for dating these men.”
Cut to Swift! Johnson joked that the singer was her “literal therapist,” to which the Grammy winner responded, “I’m not your therapist. Actually, you just show up once a week at my house with an empty bottle of wine and ask if I want some.”
“Yeah, well I have manners,” the actress said, as Swift continued, “And then you flop on my couch and overshare, and every so often I just say, ‘Damn, that’s crazy.’”
“Is that not a therapist?” the Fifty Shades of Grey actress questioned.
On Sunday, Swift released the music video for her new single “Patient Zero,” starring none other than Johnson and Colin Farrell. The two debuted the video at the MTV VMAs on Sunday, with the track serving as one of four new songs the musician released as part of The Life of a Showgirl: Encore Edition last Friday.
To close out her monologue, Johnson concluded, “Well, just quickly, while we’re on the subject of musicians, I think actually I’m doing a public service by dating them, because ladies, I am saving you a lot of money on Zoloft. So, you’re welcome, America! And also England and parts of Ireland and Cleveland, allegedly,” Johnson said, as Swift added in a quick, “Woo-woo!”
“Cleveland” is another new track from Showgirl: Encore, where Swift sings about her husband Travis Kelce and their marriage. “Now I’m wearing white (Yeah), so hate all you like (Uh-huh) / This is the love of my life (Hey, hey, hey),” Swift sings at the end of the song.
At the top of her monologue, the Verity actress also addressed the box office bomb Madame Web, while noting that the last time she was at SNL, it was to promote the film. She joked, “The last time I was here, I was promoting a movie called Madame Web. And tonight, I’m still promoting it. Because the movie hasn’t made any money yet.”
The cold open saw a group of “Republican heavy hitters” get together to film ads ahead of the midterms. Among those who appeared were U.S. secretary of state Marco Rubio, portrayed by Marcello Hernández. Mikey Day also joined as Mitch McConnell, and Jeremy Culhane as J.D. Vance.
The last guest before James Austin Johnson’s Trump took the stage was Pete Hegseth (Colin Jost). He joined the sketch with a Bero in hand, which he described as “Spider-Man’s new non-alcoholic bitch beer.”
“Now listen up, OK, ’cause I need all you patriots at home to do the gayest thing ever and vote,” Jost’s Hegseth said. “Thanks to me, the military finally has its priorities — and sexuality — straight.”
Saturday night’s episode marks Johnson’s third time hosting SNL. She made her debut in February 2015, and returned once more in January 2024. She’s made several appearances throughout the years, including for the 40th anniversary special and a cameo on during Josh O’Connor’s hosting stint last December.
Season 52 of SNL premiered last week with New York Knicks star Jalen Brunson and Katseye. Later this season, Shane Gillis will host on Oct. 10 with musical guest Rosalia, while Obsession star Inde Navarrette makes her SNL hosting debut on the Halloween episode with Gracie Abrams.
More to come.
