Haiwaan‘s staggeringly foolish notions make for unintended comedy, rues Sukanya Verma.
IMAGE: Saif Ali Khan and Akshay Kumar in Haiwaan.
Key Points
- Haiwaan, a remake of the Malayalam film Oppam, has an illogical plot and incoherent storytelling, making it a ‘tormenting exercise’ for viewers.
- Saif Ali Khan’s portrayal of a Maharashtrian character is unconvincing, with his stylish wardrobe clashing with his character’s financial struggles.
- Akshay Kumar’s performance as the antagonist is over-the-top and more suited for a parody, failing to deliver a compelling villain.
Last week Gandhari, this week Haiwaan, Bollywood needs to exploit a new handicap to traumatise moviegoers.
Priyadarshan’s remake of his Mohanlal starrer Oppam revolves around a blind man.
One fourth of Haiwaan is spent drilling this over and over again. Those who can see are hardly better off.
Watching Haiwaan is such a tormenting exercise, I wonder whether everyone associated with this monstrosity made a secret pact to remain blindfolded at the time of script reading. Having skipped the Malayalam original, nothing could have prepared me for the stupidity in store. For a change, the tendency among Hindi remakes to become glossed-up avatars of their source material, swapping substance for style, is the least of its crimes.
Saif Ali Khan’s Misplaced Fashion Sense
Saif Ali Khan plays a Maharashtrian fella called Shyam Rane. The suave actor can pull off a lot many things — a grisly-looking, toady-mannered henchman of the heartland, a not-so-Russian mobster taking on zombies, a terminally-ill guy taking a trippy night-off — but Marathi manoos is not one of them.
Saif looks like he stepped straight out of a sustainable clothing catalogue, all cool and dandy in stylish co-ord sets, branded German leather sling bag, high top Converse shoes and sophisticated wrist watch. For a maintenance manager of a residential building struggling to raise funds for a sibling’s imminent wedding, the man sure cuts a spiffy picture.
With Haiwaan showing no real development for 160 of its 164 minutes running time, Saif’s misplaced fashion sense is my only refuge. Everything else is simply laughable.
Pray, why does he need to take a ferry from Mumbai to Devgad to visit his native village? Logic be damned, it’s more photogenic, more Priyadarshan, Haiwaan insists.
No wonder in one scene, Boman Irani is having a serious conversation with Saif about a guy charged of rape and murder spending time in a mental asylum while the camera lyrically lingers on the grey fog above the green mountains.
Back in the city, Saif works at an ultra fancy residential complex in a prime Mumbai locality, which inhabits filthy rich people who gift designer clothes to their helps but do not have a single CCTV camera installed in the lift, lobby, parking or corridor area. No generator provision, either.
If it did, Haiwaan would be two hours shorter and the world would be much better for it.
Illogical Plot
Intelligence is as bogus as characterisation in Haiwaan.
Saif can play a guitar, violin, piano, sing and wrestle, toss a dozen around like Sunny Deol, survive being hit by two cars in a row without a scratch and, beat this, know the presence of the perpetrator by sniffing and sampling their freshly eaten pizza.
Akshay Kumar plays Parshuram (axe reference thrown in, et al), the afore-mentioned convict Boman Irani is heard describing to Saif at a super confidential scenic location. Having lost all his family, he”s gone nuts and is punishing all those he believes guilty by bumping them off along with their families.
The big secret Boman shares with Saif concerning Akshay can be seen coming from a mile. The terrible banality with which it’s blurted out is the real surprise.
Nothing quite like a good actor doing their best to look bad.
Akshay hams with every single bone in his body evoking a performance that is better suited as local nautanki ka Raavan or a Manjulika parody at the Kapil Sharma show.
None of his famed Main Khiladi Tu Anari chemistry with Saif is to be found in this indisputably bad movie.
As for Saif, blind or bored, it’s all the same.
Priyan regulars — Asrani, in his last on screen appearance, and Rajpal Yadav — pitch in Haiwaan‘s forced humour.
Sharib Hashmi’s grating comic cop does a complete about-face to become a picture of police brutality while his boss Rajesh Sharma meekly pouts.
Unintended Comedy
Funny how worthy films that audiences deserve to watch are shut out for showing police in a controversial light but nonsense like Haiwaan gets a free pass even though it does nothing except show cops as either too indifferent to care about justice or violently plotting to put innocent people behind bars.
Haiwaan‘s staggeringly foolish notions make for unintended comedy. Where society meetings are held to intervene in building romances.
Where the dead have not quite crossed over to the other side and announce a still alive and kicking kahani mein twist to awkward effect.
Where policemen take the trouble to shame a suspect by dragging him all the way to his hometown for the sole purpose of humiliation.
Where a villain finds enough time and inclination to change back from his nun ‘n’ guns get-up into his beanie and barrel jeans in the middle of a cat and mouse game. Where an unexpected Dil Chahta Hai reunion between Saif and Suchitra Pillai stumbles back at a 25-years-old lesson.
Be a man. Not Haiwaan.
Haiwaan Review Rediff Rating:
